Really funny blonde joke

Audi4Life · 01-09-2006, 07:18 PM

Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Oh GOD!!!!

Alx · 01-09-2006, 07:24 PM

That is so corny...

For some dark humor jokes reference this link....

This guy was the best....

- ONLY REGISTERED AND ACTIVATED USERS CAN SEE ALL LINKS - CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Audi4Life · 01-09-2006, 07:29 PM

wow...that guy is ermmmmm-whats the words im looking for- messed up in the head??

Alx · 01-09-2006, 07:32 PM

I love his style of humor, requires thought. Dark in a way.

Ex.

When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names. They say, "Dufresne, party of two. Dufresne, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufresne, party of two. Dufresne, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the Dufresnes? No one seems to give a sh*t. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You f**kers are selfish. The Dufresnes are in someone's trunk right now with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry! That's a double whammy. We need help. "Bush, search party of three! You can eat when you find the Dufresnes."

Audi4Life · 01-09-2006, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlxAmg

I love his style of humor, requires thought. Dark in a way.

Ex.

When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names. They say, "Dufresne, party of two. Dufresne, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufresne, party of two. Dufresne, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the Dufresnes? No one seems to give a sh*t. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You f**kers are selfish. The Dufresnes are in someone's trunk right now with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry! That's a double whammy. We need help. "Bush, search party of three! You can eat when you find the Dufresnes."

LMAO!!!

Thats pretty funny...

The Artist · 01-09-2006, 08:02 PM

lol mitch is gr8 i have some of his stand up on my pC.. superb

as for the blond joke.. mehh..!!

Choleric · 01-09-2006, 08:16 PM

I personally like this one.

Quote:

I was in a bus once, it was in the middle of the night, and I had a box of crackers and a can of Easy Cheese. It was dark, and it was a surprise how much cheese I had applied on each cracker. That's why they should have a glow-in-the-dark version of Easy Cheese. It's not like the product has any integrity to begin with. If you buy a room-temperature cheese that you squeeze out of a can, you probably won't get mad because it glows in the dark too.

As for blonde jokes...

What do a blonde and a Airplane have in common.

They both have a cockpit.

The Artist · 01-09-2006, 08:21 PM

What do you do after you have sex with a blonde?
tell her to stand on her hands and slip your credit card through the spring

SDNR · 01-09-2006, 11:14 PM

That guy is funny Alex - thank you for the link.

I liked these:

Quote:

I went to a pizzeria and I ordered a slice of pizza; the ****** gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the ****** gave me the 'donate to charity' slice. I would like to exchange this for the 'keep it'!

Xylophone is spelled with an X. It should be a Z. Xylophone ZZZ X, I don't ******* see it. Next time you spell Xylophone, spell it with a Z. If someone tells you you're wrong, say "no I aint." It's like X didn't have enough to do so they had to promise it more. "Okay, you won't start a lot of words, but you will have a co-starring role in Tic-Tac-Toe. And you will be equated with hugs and kisses. And you will make writing 'Christmas' easier. And you will mark the spot. And you will incidentally start 'xylophone.' Are you happy now, you ******* X?"

HALO · 03-19-2006, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Audi4Life

Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Oh GOD!!!!

I'm sorry but I'd have to knock her out.

01-09-2006, 07:18 PM	#1
Audi4Life Advocate Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: NY Posts: 908 Thanks: 239 Thanked 29 Times in 23 Posts	Really funny blonde joke Blonde paint job A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." Oh GOD!!!!

01-09-2006, 07:24 PM	#2
Alx Connoisseur Moderator Emeritus Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: --Poconos, PA.-- 2005 Aston Martin DB9 Posts: 6,012 Thanks: 1,243 Thanked 662 Times in 316 Posts	Re: Really funny blonde joke That is so corny... For some dark humor jokes reference this link.... This guy was the best.... - ONLY REGISTERED AND ACTIVATED USERS CAN SEE ALL LINKS - CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

01-09-2006, 07:29 PM	#3
Audi4Life Advocate Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: NY Posts: 908 Thanks: 239 Thanked 29 Times in 23 Posts	Re: Really funny blonde joke wow...that guy is ermmmmm-whats the words im looking for- messed up in the head??

01-09-2006, 07:32 PM	#4
Alx Connoisseur Moderator Emeritus Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: --Poconos, PA.-- 2005 Aston Martin DB9 Posts: 6,012 Thanks: 1,243 Thanked 662 Times in 316 Posts	Re: Really funny blonde joke I love his style of humor, requires thought. Dark in a way. Ex. When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names. They say, "Dufresne, party of two. Dufresne, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufresne, party of two. Dufresne, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the Dufresnes? No one seems to give a sht. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You fkers are selfish. The Dufresnes are in someone's trunk right now with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry! That's a double whammy. We need help. "Bush, search party of three!* You can eat when you find the Dufresnes."

01-09-2006, 08:02 PM	#6
The Artist Expert Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Sweden Gothenburg Posts: 13,186 Thanks: 257 Thanked 1,235 Times in 678 Posts	Re: Really funny blonde joke lol mitch is gr8 i have some of his stand up on my pC.. superb as for the blond joke.. mehh..!!

01-09-2006, 08:21 PM	#8
The Artist Expert Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Sweden Gothenburg Posts: 13,186 Thanks: 257 Thanked 1,235 Times in 678 Posts	Re: Really funny blonde joke What do you do after you have sex with a blonde? tell her to stand on her hands and slip your credit card through the spring

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